Heero in Wonderland
by Kaosu Buraindo
Summary: Heero gets transported to wonderland, and meets up with some very interesting characters.


  
  
Welcome to my wacky attempt at some humor fanfiction. Well...okay, I don't really see it as fanfiction, just a weird humor story that I thought up when I saw one adorable Doujinshi piccy ^-^ Anyways, This, as I said before, is HUMOR. NO FLAMES!!!   
And there is swearing, as all of my stories tend to have it. No heavy swearing, mind you. Just a damn here and there.   
Disclaimers: I don't own gundamwing. I don't own Alice in Wonderland. If I did I'd be happily swimming in money.   
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Heero sat against the oak tree, looking up at the sky, and wondering just how lovly it would be if suddenly a giant asteroid fell from the sky and landed on Dr.J. Too bad dreams never really come true, and he has to sit here, listening to Dr.J giving him his daily lessons from the book "The War and YOU!"  
Life is so very dull. Nothing really happens. All he does is train, eat, sleep. Train, eat, sleep. Train, sometimes he doesn't even eat, sleep.  
  
Heero sighed and looked at Dr.J, who was still spilling out excerpts from the book, not even looking to see if Heero was paying attention. Heero slowly got up and tip-toed away from Dr.J.   
  
Heero walked briskly among the flowerbed, stopping abruptly to fall lazily onto his back, and stare up at the beautiful sky once more. While Heero was still in his dream state, a white rabbit with blond hair and a pink vest rushed by glaring at his pocket watch.  
  
"I'm late! I'm late! Jesus I'm late!" He hoped right over Heero and continued to sprint as fast as his little bunny legs could carry him to -well, where do rabbits go when their late?  
  
Heero shot up as soon as the rabbit jumped over him, and raised an eyebrow. Waitadamnminute...Rabbits can't talk…and they can't wear clothes, and they sure as hell can't tell time! Heero, being the curious adventurer that he is, got up and decided to follow the panicked rabbit.  
  
"Wait! Damnit, STOP!" Heero hollered at the rabbit, while running to catch up with him. _Damn, Rabbits are faster then I thought.._The rabbit didn't seem to hear him, and continued to run/hop as fast as he could to where ever it was that he was going. Suddenly, the rabbit came to a halt next to a hole in the wall. Heero grinned, thinking that it had nowhere to go. Looks like Heero thought a little too fast, because just as Heero was getting close enough to yell at it some more, the rabbit ran right into the hole.  
  
Heero stopped, got on his knees and looked into the hole. It was dark -so dark that Heero couldn't see a damn thing, even with all the training he had gone through. Heero sat and pondered for a moment. There really isn't anything that could harm the perfect soldier in a little rabbit hole, and this was the perfect opportunity to go on an adventure. So, without further ado, Heero crawled into the rabbit hole.  
  
_Tight fit…maybe I need to lose some we-_ Heero's thoughts were cut off as he suddenly started to fall. _Shit!_ Heero thought, and he tried desperately to grab onto something...anything! But the hole seemed endless, with no walls or anything.  
Heero was just about to start saying his prayers, when a rocking chair flew past him. _Rocking chair...in a hole?...Man, I must have hit my head.._ Heero rubbed his head, then looked around, just as a desk with a lamp and book floated up to him. Heero just stared at it. This was impossible...how could these things just be floating here like this? Suddenly, the dark hole lit up with a dull red glow, and he could see that there were brick walls surrounding him. Heero looked around him. A lamp floated by. A bookshelf, a nightstand with a glass of water on it, then another chair. Heero shook his head, and then looked around again. _ I must be losing my mind… -Oof!_ Heero fell right onto a rocking chair. A little table flew up in front of him, with a bowl of cookies on it. Heero bent forward to grab the cookies, and slid right off the rocking chair. A painting…a dog...a sofa…a coloring book with crayons...a laptop -wait, a laptop? Sweet! Heero grabbed at the laptop, but it slipped out of his hands and floated upwards like everything else he passed. Heero pouted and crossed his arms, just as he turned upside down, and abruptly came to a stop as his legs got caught in something. Heero scowled and went to untangle his legs, when he saw the rabbit running in front of him  
  
"WAIT!!"  
  
"oh me oh my oh me oh my, I'm late I'm late I'm late!!" the rabbit continued to babble to itself as it ran threw a tiny door. Heero growled and untangled his legs, causing himself to fall flat on his face. He got up, dusted himself off, and advanced to the door. When Heero got right up to the door, he saw just how small it was. The door reached his knees, how was he suppose to fit threw that? Heero bent down and looked at the door. The door was gold, and the handle had a unibang on it. Heero turned the handle, and received a help in return.  
  
"Ouch! That hurts! Don't you have any manners? Do you see me turning your nose?"  
  
Heero, who was in too much of a shock to answer him, just stood there staring that the door. The door snorted and continued.  
  
"You can't open me like that, I'm locked."  
  
"Locked?" Heero repeated, as if he wasn't sure of what he heard.  
  
"Yes, locked. You need a key to open me."  
  
"But...where can I get a key?"  
  
"It's over there, on that table."  
  
Heero glared at the door, then slowly turned around  
  
"There is no ta-" Heero stopped short when he saw the 100 foot table standing in front of him. "But...how...when..?"  
  
"Well? Go get the key" The door shooed Heero away with his unibang. Heero looked up at the giant table. _ Great, how the hell am I suppose to get the key, if the table is so damn high up? Even if I do get the key...it's gotta be at least twice my size.._ Heero scratched his head and stood there, pondering. The door, seeing Heero's distress, spoke up. "If you want to get bigger, drink this". Suddenly, a little bottle appeared in front of the door. Heero picked up the bottle and read the tag. "Drink me...Hn." Heero opened the bottle and took a swig of the stuff. "Hn. Tasted like Chi-" Heero dropped the bottle just as he started to grow, and grow, and grow. Heero's head bumped with the ceiling, and he looked down. "Holy....how...?" Heero looked down at the table, and picked up the key. "got it...but…how am I suppose to fit threw the door??"  
  
"take another sip of the drink, and you'll be small again" The door pointed out, proud of his knowledge. Heero picked up the little bottle between two fingers, and took a little tip, almost swallowing the bottle. Heero hiccupped and in a little "POOF!" Was as small as a mouse. Heero rubbed his sore butt, and looked at the key beside him. _Oh, shit..._They key was 10 times as big as Heero. Heero growled and glared up at the door.  
  
"Omae O Korosu!!!"  
  
"Well it's not my fault, you drank too much of it."  
  
Heero pouted and looked at the floor. He was doomed, doomed to remain this size with this door for the rest of his life. Heero's lip started to quiver, and his eyes started to fill with fresh tears. The door saw how sad Heero was and sighed.  
  
"Oh, clam down, I have an idea."  
  
Heero brightened up and looked at the door with puppy dog eyes. The door opened his mouth wide.  
  
"Hawp entu mah mout"  
  
"What??"  
  
The door sighed, and shut his mouth. "I said, hop into my mouth."  
  
Heero blinked at the door, as it opened his mouth again. He shrugged -it was better then staying here. Heero climbed up the door and slid into it's mouth.  
  
  
SPLASH!! Heero plunged into the water. He broke the surface, gasping for breath. What the hell? the stupid door didn't say anything about this...  
  
Ocean, that's all Heero saw. For miles and miles...just ocean. Great, instead of withering away, he was going to drown. Heero saw a piece of log go by and grabbed onto it. Heero drifted along the ocean for about five minutes, until he heard singing. Heero raised and eyebrow, and saw a girl with weird eyebrows and really long hair, sitting on a toucan. The girl seemed to notice him and smirked.  
  
"you know, you would go a lot faster if you had a boat, or something to push you along with." The toucan rolled his eyes. Heero glared at her, and she smirked again.  
  
"Goodness, your soaked. Since I'm the lady that I am, I'll allow you to join my little game."  
  
"I don't play games." Heero stated bluntly.  
  
"Oh! But you must! Otherwise, how will you ever get dry?"  
  
"What's the point of being dry when I'm in the middle of an ocean?"  
  
The girl looked puzzled. "Middle? My dear boy, your right at the end!"  
  
Now it was Heero's turn to look lost. "End? But all I see is water.."  
  
"Then you should get your eyes checked." The girl jumped off the toucan and landed on the water- but she didn't sink in. The water reached her ankles. Soon, Heero and his piece of wood came to a stop, and Heero got up, and walked into a shore that he hadn't seen before. Heero walked up to the shore and blinked in surprise. He rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things, and indeed, there it was. Birds, fish, and any other type of animal you can name were running in circles around a campfire. The girl with the freaky eyebrows pushed Heero into the circle, and Heero ran also, in fear of being trampled.  
  
_This is so stupid...oh well, I need to dry off anyways. I'll play along until I'm dry and then I'll leave._ Heero ran around the campfire for another 2 minutes, until he was dry. He was about to leave, when a giant wave came and soaked everyone. Heero growled loudly, and was about to leave, when he noticed that the animals were still running. Another wave came, and yet they still ran around the campfire. That did it, these pe- animals were loonies. Heero went to leave again but the girl with the freaky eyebrows and long blond hair pushed him back in.  
  
"No! You mustn't leave or you'll never get warm!"  
  
Heero growled. "How can you get dry when the wave keeps soaking everyone?? Move them over!"  
  
The girl shook her head "No, no, no! No time for that! they must not stop or they'll never be dry!"  
  
The girl -who was sitting on the toucan, which was doing all the running- went back into the circle and continued to "Dry Up". Heero snorted and left the circle when the crazed woman wasn't looking. Heero continued to walk in the other direction, not noticing that he was walking into a dark forest.  
  
Heero continued to walk, suddenly appearing in a forest. Then he came to a small clearing and a cosey little cottage was visible. _Ick, whoever owns this house must be either a girl or really fruity, the thing is pink!_Suddenly, the door flew open and the blond haired white rabbit ran out of the house shrieking "My gloves? Where are my gloves? OH! I'm late I'm late I'm LATE!"   
  
Heero's eyes practically sparkled at the site of the rabbit. He wasted no time in introducing himself. "Hey, rabbit, where are yo-"   
  
"Mary-Ann, there you are!" The bunny exclaimed, placing his little bunny paws on his hips and huffing.   
  
"Mary-Ann? What the hell are yo-"   
  
"No no no! No time to waste! Go find my gloves! HURRY!"   
  
Heero growled and tried to shove the rabbit away "But I'm no-"   
  
"Hurry!" The rabbit whips a trumpet out of hammerspace and blows it in Heero's ear. "Make haste!"   
  
"Agh! FINE." Heero snarled as he stormed over to the house and practically ripped the door straight off it's hinges. He stormed upstairs and looked around in the rabbits room.   
  
"If I were a rabbit, where would I keep my gloves?...Wait, rabbits don't usually wear gloves. Ugh."   
  
Heero shuffled around on his nightstand and noticed a little chest. He opened the lid and saw cookies inside that said "Eat Me."   
  
"Hn. Why not." Heero picked up a cookie and shoved it in his mouth, than continued searching. He was so preoccupied with looking threw a trunk that he didn't notice his rapid change in height until his head hit the ceiling.   
  
"What th- ah, hell." Heero was now larger than the room. His feet had gone straight out the door and were laying in the entrance of the house. His arms had gone straight threw the windows. From the outside, the house looked like it had arms and legs. The bunny wasn't too happy about this.   
  
"AHHHHH!!! Monster!! HELP! Someone HELP ME!"   
  
Heero snarled to himself "How the hell am I suppose to get small again? Damnit, I'm really starting to hate this stupid place."   
  
Outside, the rabbit was still squawking about a monster. Fortunately (or unfortunately, which ever way you look at it) Dodo happened to be taking a walk that day. He stopped and tapped her foot on the floor, raking her fingers threw her long blond hair.   
  
"Ah, I see you have a slight...monster problem?"   
  
To say the rabbit was happy to see her would be quite an understatement.   
  
"DODO! You have to help me! There's a monster in my house!"   
  
Heero heard the word monster and almost gulped. Than he looked out the window and saw Dorothy. "Oh no, not her again. Anything but her..."   
  
"Well." Dodo started, petting her freaky eyebrows. "All you have to do is go down through the chimney, and pluck it out."   
  
The rabbit nodded his head vigorously, aqua eyes shining. "Yes, yes, you'll go through the chimney!"   
  
The girl chuckled to herself and shook her head. "No my dear boy! We need someone slender and- oh, there we are! CATHRINE!"   
  
All attention was focused on a slender, green lizard dressed in black and holding a ladder. She had shoulder length brown hair. She smiled sweetly and nodded to the two. "Hello! Lovely day isn't it?"   
  
"CATHRINE! OH CATHRINE!" The rabbit practically pounced the poor girl, grabbing her arm and dragging her over to his house.   
  
"Catherine my dear girl, have you ever been down a chimney before?" Dorothy asked Catherine, taking a puff of her pipe that just happened to appear.   
  
Catherine smiled proudly. "Why, I've been down so many chimneys-"   
  
"Excellent! Now all we need you to do, is go down this chimney, and get the monster out."   
  
Heero shook his head. _I don't like this..._   
  
Catherine nodded to her and put the ladder up against the house, and started to climb up it. "Why sure I will- MONSTER!?" Catherine shrieked as she realized what her task was and caught a glimpse of Heero's eye in the open window. "AHHH!!!" She screamed as she zoomed down the ladder in an attempt to escape.   
  
Dorothy has obviously expected some sort of retaliation, so she was quick to catch her.   
  
"My dear Catherine, there's nothing to worry about! Why, after you get rid of that monster, you'll be a hero!"   
  
"I will?" Catherine pondered unsurely.   
  
"Of course! Now, get up there! And show that monster what for!" Dorothy hoisted Catherine up the ladder and shoved her right down the chimney. Unfortunately, that action caused chimney dust to escape into the room. And dust can usually cause a person to sneeze, which is just what Heero did. This caused poor Catherine to go flying right out the chimney, and far away from the house.   
  
Everyone followed the flying lizard with their eyes. Than the rabbit sighed "Poor Catherine..."   
  
"HN." Heero remarked, scratching his abused nose.   
  
"That's alright, I have another plan! We'll smoke the monster out!"   
  
"WHAT!? B-b-ut, my house!" The rabbit exclaimed in a shaky voice, the fear for his lovely house eminent in his voice.   
  
"Smoke? That can't be good. I have to get out of here...but how?" Heero looked around the small room, than he noticed a carrot garden outside. "hmm…maybe if I eat something..." Heero reached outside with his huge arm, and plucked a tiny carrot out from the garden. He swallowed it, than waited.   
  
"oh well, guess that didn't wo-" Heero suddenly shrunk to the size of a mouse in a matter of two seconds. "Well...that sure was efficient." Heero noticed that he was a little too small, and picked up a crumb from his other cookie. He licked it, and than grew back to his normal size.   
  
Heero snuck out of the house through the back door, and wondered into the forest once again.   
  
Heero continued to walk, not sure of where he was going, when a smile appeared. That's right, a smile. No nose, no eyes, no face, a smile. The smile giggled crazily, causing Heero to notice it. Heero stared at it in utter shock. Even his perfect soldier mask couldn't hide the surprise in his face. The smile giggled more, then two eyes appeared.  
  
"Hello." The smile -now with two eyes- said. Heero raised an eyebrow at it. How..how could a mouth and two eyes just be floating like that? Two paws suddenly faded in. Then, a long chestnut colored braid appeard.  
  
"What the hell are you?" Heero asked bluntly, and the...thing giggled insanly, then smirked. A head slowly started to appear under the eyes and mouth, and it started to look just like a...  
  
"Cat.." Heero said out loud. The cat smirked.  
  
"Good! Now, can you tell me what 1+1 equils?"  
  
Heero growled loudly, causing the cat to grin.  
  
"Omae O Korosu."  
  
"Well, that's not very polite!" The cat smirked and purple stripes started to appear behind it...but nothing else, the cat was see-threw.  
  
"So, what's a guy like you doing in a forest like this?" The cat grinned again, and a purple body filled the spaces the purple stripes did not. Heero snorted  
  
"None of your damn business"  
  
The cat snickerd, then turned on it's belly. "You don't know, do you?"  
  
Heero glared at the cat and continued walking. The cat giggled, then disappeared. It reappeared a few feet in front of Heero.  
  
"I'll take that, as a yessss..." the cat chuckled and nibbled at the end of it's braid. Heero ignored it and continued walking. The cat smirked and rolled over again.  
  
"You wouldn't, by any chance, be looking for a white rabbit...now, would you?"  
  
Heero stopped dead in his tracks, and whipped around to face the purple, braided cat. The cat was lazily laying on it's back, fiddling with it's braid like it hadn't said anything. Heero swallowed his perfect soldier act and answered him.  
  
"yes, actually I am...have you seen him?"  
  
"I might have." The cat answered, his statement followed by a grin. Heero scowled, he hated being toyed with.  
  
"Just give me a straight answer!"  
  
"Alright then...Yes, I did."  
  
"Well, where did he go!?"  
  
"He went..." The cat paused for a moment. "...That way" The cat pointed ahead of him.  
  
"Thanks." Heero said, and started to walk.  
  
"OR.."  
  
Heero stopped, and glared at the cat  
  
"He could have gone...that way." The cat pointed in the opposite direction. Heero growled.  
  
"Well, which way was it!?"  
  
"I'm pretty sure....it was THAT way." The cat pointed in a totally different direction. Heero snapped.  
  
"DAMNIT! I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVEN BOTHERD TO LISTEN TO YOU! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSE TO BE ANYWAYS?!?"  
  
The cat grinned, then put a finger -err, paw, to his face in a pondering state.  
  
"well, the reason you listened to me, is because I have information that you want to know. And, I really don't have a name..." The cat took his head off, and stood on it, trying to balance himself as well as possible. Heero cringed. "You can call me, The Shinigami Cat."  
  
Heero raised an eyebrow "Shinigami Cat?"  
  
The cat put it's head back on, and played jump rope with it's braid. "That's right."  
  
"Well, 'Shinigami Cat', where is the white rabbit? And I want a decent answer."  
  
The cat stopped playing with it's braid, and leaned against the tree. "He went that way." The can pointed ahead of him. Heero didn't look convinced.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Positive"  
  
Heero looked straight into the cat's eyes, and the cat returned the look. Heero sighed and went in the direction the cat pointed in. The cat started to laugh and slowly faded away.  
  
  
Heero stopped walking when he saw a little cottage, and a hell of a lot of smoke coming from the front yard. Heero opened the gate and walked in. What he saw...didn't really shock him. He had talked to a door, ran in a circle with animals, and had an irritating conversation with a cat that could take it's head off and fade away -a man and a bunny having a giant tea party wasn't going to do very much for Heero now. Heero stopped and hid behind a bush, the duo was singing some stupid song.  
  
"Aaaaa...Very merry unbirthday..to YOU!"  
  
"To me?"  
  
"To you!"  
  
"Oh, Gee! A very merry unbirthday...to YOU!"  
  
"To me?"  
  
And they went on like that, pouring tea in hundreds of different cups and throwing half of it on each other. Heero rolled his eyes, how could the rabbit be here? Stupid cat...  
  
Suddenly,an Asian man in the tall hat with black hair and black eyes saw him.  
  
"Well don't just stand there! Come here and have a cup of tea!"  
  
The hare, who had a unibang (yes, I put Trowa twice, but he just didn't have a big enough part!)Nodded wildly  
  
"Yes! you must have a cup of tea!"  
  
They both got up and pushed Heero into one of the chairs. Heero sighed and held up a cup. The man with the hair so tight, that Heero wondered if he could even think, poured him some tea.  
  
"Now, where were we? Ah, yes! Aaaaa..."  
  
Heero cringed and plugged his ears.  
  
"VERY merry unbirthday…to you!"  
  
They both continued singing, until Heero snapped." WHAT the hell is an 'Unbirthday' Anyways!?"  
  
They both stopped and looked at him oddly.  
  
"Did yah hear that?" The hare with the unibang said. "he doesn't know what an unbirthday is!" He made little circles around his head, indicating that Heero was crazy.  
  
Heero snorted and stirred his tea with his finger.  
  
"My dear boy.." The man with the tall hat began.  
  
"An unbirthday is...well, it's…basically it's...Umm…Damnit! Now you got me to think!" The man huffed, crosses his arms and sat in his chair, pouting.  
  
"Right, Thinking would be way too hard for you to do, since your hair is so damn tight that it's cutting off all circulation to your brain." Heero stated, and sipped his tea.  
  
The hare shook his head. "No, no, no! His hair doesn't make him stupid, it makes him crazy!"  
  
"yes, that's why I'm called the MAD hatter, not the stupid hatter."  
  
Heero raised an eyebrow at the two. "Mad Hatter?"  
  
"That's right boy, are you deaf or something?" The hare looked into his cup and threw it into the air. "Clean cup clean cup! Move down move dowwwwwnnnn!!!"   
  
The hare and the mad hatter grabbed Heero's arms and started jumping from seat to seat, singing.  
  
"Clean cup clean cup, move down move down, clean cup clean cup, move down!"  
  
They finally seated themselves a good ten seats away from where they were before. Heero was totally lost.  
  
"Now then" The Mad Hatter started, while spreading jam on his teacup, and cutting it in half. Heero just stared at him. "Why did you say you were here?" He poured tea in the half cup...but the tea didn't spill out. Heero blinked in surprise.  
  
"Uhh…I'm looking for a white rabbit."  
  
"Ah!" The unibanged hare started, while sipping tea from five different cups. "What does this rabbit look like?"  
  
Heero face faulted. "Well…He's white, and he has blond hair…and a pink vest."  
  
"Really? How interesting." The black haired hatter drank the tea from his half cup. Heero shook his head, this was going to be a long day. The hare looked up and jumped up and down.  
  
"Say! is that him!?" Heero jumped up and looked in the direction the hare was pointing, and sure enough, there he was. The blond haired, white rabbit ran threw the gate, chanting "I'm late, I'm late!!"  
  
The mad hatter grabbed the white rabbit by the arm and sat him down in a chair.  
  
"Gentlemen! I cannot stay! I'm late I'm late I'm late!!" His big blue eyes were filled with panic, as the hatter picked up his watch. Heero was just happy to see the rabbit, and moved in to question him.  
  
"Well here's your problem! Your watch is two days slow!"  
  
"Two days slow!?" The rabbit repeated, and looked down at his watch.  
  
"Yes! And it's a good thing you came along, because I'm excellent with fixing watches!"  
  
"oh no no no! Not my watch!" the rabbit tried to grab it back, but the hatter held him away.  
  
"Now just wait there, this wont take long!" The hatter cracked open the watch, and the rabbit almost fainted. The hatter looked inside the watch, and started ripping gears and the lot out. The rabbit started to panic.  
  
"No no no! not my watch!!"  
  
"Let me see… I need some jam!"  
  
"Here's some jam!" The hare handed the hatter the jar of jam and the hatter spread it out inside of the watch.  
  
"Some mustard!"  
  
"Mustard!" The hare repeated, and handed the hatter mustard. The hatter squirted some in the watch.  
"Sugar!"  
  
"Sugar!" The same steps were repeated. The rabbit looked white -well, whiter then before.  
  
"Oh, my watch..."  
  
The hatter closed up the watch and waited. Suddenly, the watch started going bonkers. Spitting all the stuff the hatter put in it all over everyone. Heero ducked under the table, and the hare handed the hatter a mallet. The hatter smashed the watch with the mallet, and Heero considered killing himself. The rabbit looked at his dead watch and a tear rolled down his cheek. The hatter and hare looked sad also. Heero snuck out of the yard while they were busy with the watch. Screw the damn rabbit, this was too much!  
  
  
Heero walked along the forest. _How the hell am I suppose to get home?.._ Heero wondered to himself. He sure as hell hoped he wasn't doomed to stay in this nuthouse for the rest of his life. If he had to have tea with those two idiots one more time, he might kill one of them. Suddenly, Heero heard that laugh again. He growled and turned around to see two eyes and a mouth floating in mid air. The mouth had on the biggest grin. The braid appeared, and then two paws.  
  
"So, did you find your rabbit?"  
  
Heero snorted "yes"  
  
"oh good!" the cat's body appeard, followed by it's head. The cat scratched his head. "Well, shouldn't you be happy?"  
  
Heero growled and sat down on a rock. "I should be."  
  
The cat tilted his head to the side and nibbled on the end of it's braid. "But...?"  
  
"But I'm not."  
  
The cat gasped and pulled of it's leg, using it to scratch his head. "But...I don't understand, that's what you wanted, wasn't it?"  
  
"I want to go home."  
  
"Ooohhh. Gee, you are hard to please, aren't you?"  
  
Heero glared at the cat. The cat grinned and put it's leg back on.  
  
"Do you know how I could get home?"  
  
"Well..." the cat started, then sat on the branch and dangled his legs over the edge. "There are lot's of different ways."  
  
Heero rolled his eyes, here we go again.  
  
"Some people like to go that way" The cat points in front of him. "Others, like to go...that way" He points the other way.  
  
"What way would you go?" Heero asked.  
  
"Me?" the cat pointed to himself, and Heero nodded.  
  
"Well, I like to go...every way." The cat pointed in all the directions with his hands, feet and braid. Heero sighed and buried his face in his hands.  
  
"But, I guess you could always take the short cut."  
  
Heero looked up, just as the cat pulled on a branch, and a little door opened in the tree he was sitting on. The cat winked at Heero and disappeared. Heero walked threw the door.  
  
  
Heero walked along the labyrinth until he heard singing. What is it with people around here and singing?? He peeked around a corner. Heero saw weird little card men painting rose bushes pink. Heero raised an eyebrow, the men were singing.  
  
"painting the roses pink, painting the roses pink!"  
  
One of the card men had long platinum blond hair. Another had weird looking eyebrows and short brown hair. Heero walked up behind them and patted the blond one on the back. The blond card whipped around, then calmed down when he saw it was Heero.  
  
"Why are you painting the roses pink?"  
  
The card man looked at him  
  
"We bought white roses, but the stupid queen likes them pink. So now we have to go through all this trouble, painting the damn roses pink, or else were gonna lose our heads."  
  
The other card men looked pissed because the blond one didn't ryme, but Heero didn't care.  
  
"this queen of yours sounds like a bitch."  
  
"She is." the brown haired one said. Suddenly trumpets sounded, and all the cardmen started going crazy, throwing the buckets of paint away and laying on the floor. Heero just layed next to them, just incase. A girl in a huge pink dress, with blond hair came, with hundreds of card men following her. She looked at a rose bush and fumed.  
  
"Who's been painting my roses pink!?"  
  
Heero rolled his eyes and whispered "PMS..."  
  
The other cardmen laughed and the queen growled.  
  
"I said...WHO'S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES PINK!?"  
  
One of the card men stood up. "It was Treize!!"  
  
"WHAT!? No it wasn't! It was Milliard!"  
  
"WHAT!? No! It was the ace of spades!"  
  
The queen tapped her foot on the floor.  
  
"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!"  
  
Heero gasped as the card men were dragged away. The queen walked right up to him...and fluttered her eyelashes??.  
  
"And...who are you, my dear?"  
  
Heero stood up. "Heero"  
  
"Heero...what?"  
  
Heero growled. "Heero Yuy"  
  
"Heero Yuy...WHAT?"  
  
Heero had no idea what she was saying. Then a little man with a black unibang and a crown whispered "Your majesty!" (okay, so I made Noin a guy...I had no one left!)  
  
Heero snorted. "Heero Yuy, _Your Majesty_"  
  
The queen giggled "That's better! Now then...would you like to come with me, Heeeerrrroooo?"  
  
Heero shuttered, did he really have a choice? The cat said that this was the way out...maybe the Queen would let him go.  
  
"sure whatever"  
  
"EHEM"  
  
"Sure, YOUR MAJESTY"  
  
The Queen smiled and put her arm around Heero's shoulders. Heero growled but didn't move her arm -she might be his only means of escape, better not spoil the chances.  
  
They came to her castle, and Heero was showed into the courtyard. Heero looked around, then he almost jumped out of his shoes when he came face to face with the Queen, who was giving him smoochy faces. Heero growled and backed away from her.  
  
"So, my Heero, do you like to play bowling?"  
  
Heero stared at her "...Bowling?"  
  
"Yeah, I don't know how to play anything else!" The Queen started giggling like mad, and everyone else joined in. Heero rolled his eyes.  
  
"Yes, I do."  
  
"Alright then! LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!"  
  
Everyone started cheering, and Heero growled.  
  
"I said I could play, I didn't say I would!"  
  
But the Queen didn't hear him, she was too busy setting up the game. Heero rolled his eyes and got ready to kick the Queens royal ass.  
  
The cards set themselves up as the pins, and a little groundhog rolled into a ball, to be used as a bowling ball. Heero looked at the Queen and she threw the ball at the pins, instead of rolling it. Heero shook his head, this was pathetic. But…the ball curved and slammed into all the pins. The pins that didn't get hit, knocked themselves down. Heero face faulted, and the crowd cheered. _Great, should have known she would cheat._  
  
Heero aimed the ball, and rolled it towards the pins. The ball suddenly curved in the wrong direction, missing all the pins. Heero saw red. He was about to go up to the stupid animal and punt it, but the Queen was taking her turn. Heero sat, fuming silently. He would kill everyone here as soon as he found a way to get home. Suddenly, Heero saw the Shinigami Cat's head on the Queens but. Heero stared in shock, as the cat slid down, and tied the Queens shoe laces together. Heero shook his head, warning the cat. But the cat didn't listen. It giggled, then disappeared. The Queen went to bowl, but tripped over her own feet and fell flat on her face. Everyone gasped, and the Queen exploded. She jumped up, face red and screamed  
  
"WHO DID THAT!?" She looked straight at Heero.  
  
"It wasn't me! It was the Shinigami Cat!!"  
  
Everyone laughed, and Heero growled. The Queen suddenly got a lovey dovey look on her face.  
  
"Heero, if you wanted to see my butt so badly, all you had to do was ask."  
  
Heero looked disgusted. He took off into a mad sprint. He had to go anywhere but near HER!  
  
"After him! Don't let my Hee-Chan get away!!"  
  
The whole card army was after him. He ran and ran. Suddenly the scene changed, and he was running around a giant tea cup, with the animals from before. The mad Hatter and Hare were there too. They jumped on Heero's back.  
  
"Tea! Tea! You must have a cup of tea!!" They pushed Heero into the giant cup of tea, and Heero struggled to keep his head above the water -err, tea. Everyone was chanting "Heero! Heero! Heero!"  
  
  
"Heero! Heero! Damnit, Heero! Pay attention to your lessons!"  
  
Heero snapped awake at the sound of Dr.J's voice. A dream? It was all a dream? Heero sighed a breath of relief and sat against the tree.  
  
"come now, your lessons are over Heero."  
  
"Alright." Heero got up to leave, but he looked up at the tree and saw a brown cat sitting in it. The cat jumped down and landed in Heero's arms. Heero looked at the cat, and it looked up at him with huge, purple eyes. Heero smiled, petted the cat and followed after Dr.J  
  
  
___________________________  
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Did you all like? I hope you did! No, I wasn't drunk when I thought this up. I just saw the cutest Douji piccy, and it gave me this idea ^-^. If I ever find it again, I'll post it on this page. write what you think in my guestbook!  
Kaosugami.  


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